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About Varied / Professional Member SchizmaticMale/United States Recent Activity
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Actionable Analytics by schizmatic
Actionable Analytics
The last I checked, rape and battery with an assault weapon while tweaking on crystal meth is a fifteen-yard penalty AND loss of down. Harsh.

Image: schizmatic.com/files/actionabl… Page: schizmatic.com/comics/739

Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
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You Might Be A Geek #9 by schizmatic
You Might Be A Geek #9
Weather may be getting weirder around the world, but it can't keep possibly keep pace with how much weirder the arguments of climate change deniers are getting.

Image: schizmatic.com/files/you_might… Page: schizmatic.com/comics/738

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Fecal Attraction by schizmatic
Fecal Attraction
Actually, long before our planet ever gets potentially sucked into the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy, we're all probably going to die as our sun goes red giant -- from extreme heat stroke.

Wow, which is worse: burning to death on a flaming turd, or drowning when it's flushed?

No worries. With any luck, we'll end up a floater.

Image: schizmatic.com/files/fecal_att… Page: schizmatic.com/comics/737

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Revisionist Browser History by schizmatic
Revisionist Browser History
Actually, surfing pork sites for ten straight hours would probably be more disturbing than porn sites. Unless it was pork-themed porn. That stuff could spoil your appetite AND ruin your diet at the same time.
    
Image: schizmatic.com/files/revisioni… Page: schizmatic.com/comics/736

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Phone-Check Check by schizmatic
Phone-Check Check
Warning: the best way to inform someone of their phone-checking addiction is NOT with an extensive random series of teasing one-word texts.

Shirt versions of this strip available: Men's and Women's

Image: schizmatic.com/files/phone-che… Page: schizmatic.com/comics/735

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So, I've been spamtastically posting five strips a day to catch up with a backlog I had, and to avoid potential weirdness like people wondering why I'm still doing comic strips about the Olympics at the end of September:

"Wow, did he just get around to watching it on his DVR?  It must've been tough avoiding all the Michael Phelps spoilers everywhere..."

But now I can slow it down to posting a strip a day, and eventually settle in to four a week.  Though, I have to admit, speed-watching the Olympics on DVR fast-forward does sound pretty interesting: the marathon would become a long-distance sprint, and the 100-meter dash a race of superheroes.

Still, even in normal speed, Usain Bolt might be able to give the Flash a run for his money.

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schizmatic
Schizmatic
Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
Schizmatic is a webcomic of intelligent weirdness based on blueprint schematics applied to actual life. It puts the cosmos under a microscope, and reality under analysis -- goodness knows it needs it.
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:iconkid-lea:
Kid-Lea Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Thank you for the watch
Reply
:iconrecycledhorrors:
RecycledHorrors Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the tremendous support, I really appreciate it.
Reply
:iconscoundrel47:
Scoundrel47 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2015  New member
Thank you for the watch. It's most appreciated. I need all the watchers I can get. I'm a Leo! ;-)
Reply
:iconninefiftin:
Ninefiftin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a lot for the watch :)
Reply
:iconmoonbladethebook:
moonbladethebook Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Student General Artist
THANKS FOR THE WATCH!!! :icongwompplz:
(you really didn't need to ^^')
Reply
:iconschizmatic:
schizmatic Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Professional General Artist
You're most welcome! :highfive: remake 
Reply
:iconlonizarte:
Lonizarte Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014
Another great day to see schematics from Schizmatic.

Good day.
Reply
:iconschizmatic:
schizmatic Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you muchly!
Reply
:iconskull-killer:
Skull-Killer Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch
Reply
:iconsexytemp666:
SexyTemp666 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014
Thanks for the watch!;)
Reply
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